Let Me Kill the Mocking Bird!

Gosh. So many ironic things happened to me at one time.

Yesterday, I won a prize at the U8Buttons seminar for answering the question correctly. Good news.

Yesterday, I got to learn how to use SPSS with Mal and found that it is very helpful to get me to finish my chapter 4 without stress. Thanks to Mal and Sal. Good news.

Last night, I wanted to install my SPSS in my lappy but it couldn’t be installed. Oooouh, wadefak? I was so enthusiastic and positive about finishing the data last night and to show it to my supervisor this evening at 2.30p.m. No key in process! What a crabby paby!

My pendrive just got healed from viruses that affect my word documents in which have corrupted all my written assignments including my AE. But no worries as I remembered that I have them in the sent items of my email. So I dug it up yesterday, and yay, I found it and saved the copy into my pendrive. When I wanted to open the document last night, oh so marvelous! That one is not the latest one that I submitted to her. In other word, the soft copy for the latest one is gone~gone~gone. What a crabby paby!

This is not the end of the world, yes. But it is the end of the semester. Everything is crammed and oh, need to be rushed! Not to mention, that absurd exam time table.

Last night I was really really missing sailorBoy that I texted him saying that I miss him. I always do this when I just can’t stand it; even though I know that the sms is not delivered and it won’t be when the ship is out at nowhere in the wild sea. It makes me feel more relief, tho.

But what a miracle! Last night, when I was about to act out sissy and felt suicidal with all the pressures, my phone gave that beep sound - a message coming in. It’s him! The ship was passing by Brunei and going to anchor outside Bintulu tomorrow. It happened by chance that he suddenly received my message as Celcom is indisputably has quite a wide coverage that he got at least 1 bar of reception there. Now I’m glad I am one of the subscribers. But after about ten minutes, we lost it. I started to burst into tears because I miss him so much and my life suddenly became out of order. I mean my work(s). I don’t usually cry when it comes to work stress. This is the first time for this semester. Sissy! But I’m done being crazy, stoned, bonked, freak, and whatnot. I think it’s just the time to be real about the reality of it. Oh, sissy!

p.s: Itulah mak cakap, jangan seronok sangat, nanti ada yang nangis. Yes Ma, I did. I was so happy and lupa daratan lately. I went singing like there’s no tomorrow. Now I’m crying, Ma.

p.s.s: I don’t want to be like the carrot in the hot boiling water. I don’t want to be the egg either. I want to be the coffee that when is boiled, it gives the nicest aroma that fascinates the whole world.

(TESLian ‘boiling theory’ by Dr. Nor Aziah).

*today, i had a hard time applying my eyeliner - after a few tries, still it became quite smudgy + edgy. i don't know how does it look like now and i don't care. (i know this is not related to any of the above).

Permainan Bermusim

Baru aku terfikir kenapa tiba-tiba je anak-anak buah aku seronok sangat main badminton, atau kata mereka, ‘babishten’ sejak akhir-akhir ni. Minggu yang aku jadi baby sitter mereka hari tu, masa aku bawak mereka bermain di taman, boleh dikatakan semua budak-budak ada raket dan shuttle cock sendiri. Atau nama melayunya, bulu tangkis.

Rupa-rupanya sekarang tengah India Open Badminton. Kalau aku pergi makan kat mamak je la aku sempat tengok siaran live kat tv. Tapi aku memang kagum dengan Lee Wan Wah dan Choong Tan Fook malam tadi. Mereka memang sangat tangkas dan hebat bermain mengalahkan pasukan China. Sekelip mata saja dah menang.

Tapi, teringat pulak aku zaman sekolah dulu dimana aku merupakan antara yang pandai main badminton. Ini bukan puji diri sendiri tau. Tapi ada seorang jaguh badminton sekolah tu puji cara aku bermain untuk rumah sukan hari tu. Hehe. Tapi point aku ialah, aku ingat lagi time sekolah dulu, cikgu yang buat aku tahu tentang peraturan-peraturan dalam permainan badminton ini. Aku tau kalau single, ‘out’ dia macam mana, double macam mana. Nama dia cikgu Nazman. Disebabkan beliau, aku tau banyak rules berbanding pelajar perempuan lain. Kadang-kadang, beliau suruh aku jadi pengadil. Dan disebabkan beliau juga, aku tau la sikit sebanyak teknik-teknik bermain badminton walaupun aku sebenarnya main rembat sahaja. Tapi ‘macam hebat pulak’ kata jaguh badminton sekolah tu. Hehe. Jom, siapa nak lawan badminton dengan aku?

Tapi, ingat tak zaman kita kecik-kecik dulu? Boleh dikatakan semua permainan mengikut musim kan? Main guli, gasing, laying-layang, rounders, dan macam-macam lagi. Kalau kat sekolah, bila musim layang-layang, masa itu la tiba-tiba cikgu pendidikan seni ajar cara membuat laying-layang. Kita bawak surat khabar la, lidi la, buluh la, selotep la. Kan? Bila petang, semua orang nak main laying-layang. Bila tengok layang-layang orang tu hebat daripada kita punya, kita mintak ayah belikan layang-layang yang warna warni dan lagi besar. Padahal nanti ayah kita jugak yang terbangkan sebab kita tak pandai main pun. Buat rosak layang-layang je lagi ada.

Dulu, aku membesar di berek polis. Jadi ramai la kawan-kawan. Kami main dekat padang dalam kawasan berek tu. Jadi agak selamat la.

Bila musim guli, tiba-tiba je kedai-kedai runcit jual guli yang bermacam-macam warna, jenis dan saiz. Hari-hari nak beli guli. Main tikam telur pun ada hadiah guli. Bila guli sumbing sikit, kita taknak dah. Macam abang aku, bila guli dia sumbing atau pecah je, yang tu lah dia bagi kat aku. Pulak, mereka percaya yang guli yang berwarna hitam berkilat tu lagi power dari guli yang warna-warna. Apekah?

Bila musim gasing, masing-masing nak ada satu gasing. Siap asah-asah lagi paku gasing tu, nak pangkah gasing orang lain (abang aku la tu). Dekat tangan, sentiasa je ada gasing yang dah siap dililit, dengan penutup botol terselit dekat jari.

Bila musim rounders, asal petang je, pukul 5, panggil kawan-kawan, berebut gang. Masing-masing nak ahli yang paling hebat dan yang lari paling laju. Ada juga yang siap buat kayu rounders sendiri. Siapa yang ada bola tennis tu, dia la yang paling berkuasa. Berani kau cari pasal dengan orang yang ada bola tennis, jawabnya tak main rounders la kau hari tu, “itu bola saya~ . taknak main lah macam ni.”- kalau macam tu, jawabnya korang main rounders takda bola la. Macam aku, aku takda kayu sendiri tapi aku ada bola tennis. Hahahaha! Tak, aku tak sekejam tu.

Masing-masing ada pengalaman permainan sendiri masa kecik-kecik dulu kan? Macam aku, permainan aku adalah permainan-permainan yang macam di atas tadi, main cap duduk, konda-kondi, galah panjang, carom, tangkap berudu, tangkap anak katak, tangkap semut hitam (terima kasih kepada abang aku yang bawak aku main semua benda ni); main gelongsor kotak dekat bukit (kalau hujan, kat tangga pun jadi. Sampai sakit-sakit punggung), main pondok-pondok (aku jadi ayah atau abang atau adik lelaki) dan lumba basikal sampai jatuh terkopek kulit sampai nampak isi. Ganas jugak aku dulu-dulu. Comot, takyah cakapla kan.

Pernah sekali, masa umur aku 5 tahun aku ada kawan baru. Suziela namanya. Dia sangat pemalu. Aku ni memang dari kecik lagi jenis yang suka berkawan. Suziela ni budak baru pindah dari KL (dulu aku duduk kat Mentakab, Pahang). Jadi aku je la yang sudi berkawan dengan dia. Eh, panjang pulak cerita. Point aku ialah, aku pernah pergi rumah dia lepas sekolah tadika untuk bermain. Dia ada banyak anak patung Barbie. Patung kertas pun ada. Ingat tak patung kertas? Yang kita boleh pakaikan baju-baju cantik yang kita kepilkan baju dia atas badan dia tu? Patung kertas ni aku pandai main lagi. Tapi dulu, aku main Barbie dia, aku pergi mandikan Barbie tu, dan potong rambut Barbie dia. Mana lah aku tau. Aku tak pernah pun ada Barbie! Suziela tak marah aku, tapi ayah dia macam kecewa. Lepas pada tu, aku dah tak pergi main kat rumah dia lagi dah. Bo~ring! Hehe.

Rindu zaman kanak-kanak dulu. Tambah-tambah lagi sekarang ni, kita dah meningkat dewasa. Macam banyak je benda nak kena fikir sendiri. Tak dapat nak main-main lagi!

What a blazz!!

PD barbeque or U8A's Gala Dinner last night was the unforgettable moment for me. For weeks I’ve been craving for a karaoke time, I got to perform on a live band in lieu! It was great! 3 songs, I tell you. Not so many people volunteered so I took the chance lah. To hell with my maybe not so pleasant singing voice, I am no Siti Nurhaliza nor Rosa. I'm just a karaoke girl who knows how to rock it! *LOL*

Not enough with the live band performance, after the barbeque we headed to Sunway Pyramid to sing again. Ben reserved a room for 12.30 a.m and we had a blast 3 hours of 'self absorb singing moment' even though some of us got sleepy at the few last songs. And we were all out!

Special thanks to ...

Marlisa Othman...


Vincent Ungko or Ben, or he got a new name last night, Anuar Ben/Ben Zain. He sings real good!


Mohd Izzat who came out with the idea of karaoke-ing.

I don't know who is this...but she had a real blast last night, she said.

and Nur Aziela Aidit, no billboard pose.

This is the first time in my life that I think I really let it out, enjoy and be happy with it. No, I think it has been several times. Lately I am more of a ‘YES man’ ever. Being a ‘YES man’ might lead to you to bad consequences. But what about all the good feelings it may bring? We never knew what’s going to happen next. Besides weighing, we might as well ‘lenjan’ saja. Sometimes we need to seek for the happiness ourselves. We deserve it like anyone else does. Don’t spend too much time thinking on what people might say about you. . Their business is none of your business. It’s about how you want it to be But practically, don’t go too far from the norms. Hm. Suddenly I think this is difficult.

As for me, I think I just know how to have fun. I think I do! ;)

Thanks to the technology. This way, sailorBoy got to watch me singing, exclusively for the first time ever. Wait till the end as I did better there. Haha.

I know, boy, you're good at it. Let's have a karaoke competition and please let me win. (this is the one of the things we're yet to don together).

(he won 2nd prize of karaoke competition at his work place, twice - 2 years of knowing him. Back then, I don't know).

Girls just wanna have fun! ;)

p.s: the mystery of the song that I love but don't know the title or the singer has been revealed by Mal, last night.

it is d'masiv - Cinta Ini Membunuhku. Hehehehe...

I didn't realise sometimes...

At certain points in my life, it occurs to me things that I think I didn’t realise the existence of it. The feeling of it. The effects of it. Have you experienced these? It can happen just like that as if you already knew it. Or, it happens when something bad happens to us, or something bad that we have done or something that others did to us; you name it. For example, you didn’t realise that you have no more clothes to wear for a date when you have tons and tons of blouses, dresses and whatnot, until you noticed that you have been recycling the same outfit again and again OR all these while, you’re moving so slow for your thesis until you know that all your friends are already in their chapter five; and you started to feel burn out, petrified, and feeling to extend the semester. That’s an obvious sample. A bad one.

As for me, I have reasons why I am talking about sailorBoy today.

SaiorBoy loves to read. He’ll read anytime, anywhere, everywhere…

breakfast...

lunch...

tea/coffee time...

sentral...

waiting for the train...

waiting for the flight...


he even finished this book on his 1 hour 45 minutes flight to Kuching.

Get him anything to read and I am free to go anywhere I want without him noticing it. I’d talk to the table, fork and spoon and rather talk to the strangers from another table when he didn’t hear me. He even read my newly purchased Cleo before I did. I love him nonetheless.

He’d buy that heavy newspaper to read over meal. He’d flip the last section first – sports. And then he’d ask me to hold it for him when we walk because he wants to hold my hand. His reason was, “handbag you besar kan, boleh muat tak?”, with no sarcasm because he really needed me (or my handbag) for his newspaper . Actually my handbag is no that big to stuff in his bulky newspaper. That’s the time where I could be sarcastic to him. “eh, bukan hari tu you komplen handbag I besar sangat ke? Sekarang nak tumpang barang pulak”. But I did it, I tried to stuff in that newpaper for him. And sometimes, when it couldn’t fit in, I just placed it between my armpit while walking, adding on more accessory on my body, jeopardizing my vogue. That lead me to carry smaller handbag. Still, he’d ask me to hold the newspaper for him. I did it somehow. For him. But this time, I’d ask him if he’s done reading it and if so, I’d say, “tinggalkan je kat sini. Bagi orang lain baca pulak,”, OR I’ll force him to just leave it there so I wouldn’t need to clutch his newspaper anymore. Thank god reading can’t be synchronized with driving; or else... I love him nonetheless.

Nothing I can do about his love of reading. But one thing that he is willing to do for me is to miss the football match even if there is a live match on air, just to be with me. He’d decline his friend’s invitation for the game when we were together – in which, I’d rather he takes me there so that I can watch football with boys. I won’t stand long for any game without boys’ supervision as I sometimes don’t get the game entirely. I’ll get to ask this and that when I’m lost and cheer with them when the team scores. He’d say it is ‘you and me’ time. I love him nonetheless.

Nevertheless, I can never win when it comes to TV. I know when we were texting, when he said his at home, doing nothing and he didn’t reply my next message, OR he did, a bit late OR, he replied it but not answering my questions or not in the coherence of the conversation – TV. I know he was watching TV when I rang him, talked to him and received a quite long pause after that, before he got on track back, and asked me to repeat again or he started a new topic by asking the same question. I know that when he was watching, he’s in the world of his own together with the characters in the TV that he would not hear me talking to him or calling him for help, even in the closest proximity. Should I didn’t get the story; I would end up lost till the end. I love him nonetheless.

I know the shoes that haunts him. He found that shoe last year when his ship anchored in Yokohama. But I think, there was once, in this year, he told me that , “I teringat la kasut yang I tak dapat beli hari tu, yang takda size I tu.”. Oh, he still wants that shoes.

This is the shoes. If you watch one of Chris Brown’s video clips, he’s wearing that. But I don’t think he wants it because of Chris Brown because he didn’t even know who Chris Brown is at that time. I love him nonetheless.

He bought another shoes instead to replace that shoes...

but he has been wearing his Crocs wherever he goes. And he goes to his reminder mode about my abandoned shoes when I wish to buy a new pair, or if I bitch about shoes that I can’t have. I am a woman, boy. I love him nonetheless.

I know that he’ll get himself hurt or cut at work when he misses me so much. He’d send me an MMS of his burnt skin due to the 400 degrees hot steel that he accidentally touches it for a split second because his mind is wandering about me. He even fell off the stairs either of his clumsiness or his day dreaming. I love him nonetheless.

But he’s not with me all the time. That’s why I gave him my massages in a bottle. He can open one roll each day and hear from me even though I am not there with him.


I wrote one so many things on the papers just to pretend as if I am with him. Just to make sure that he is not lonely in his room. Even though sometimes he cheats by taking one roll in the morning and another one before he goes to sleep. I love him nonetheless.

Oh, I always gave him wrong directions that we often lost our ways in the middle of somewhere, in KL or even Shah Alam.. He said, “ I, kalau jalan kat Kuching ke, Penang ke, boley la. Kalau KL, you’re supposed to be my map.” And I’d say, “ sorry..tapi I bukan expert jalan kereta. I ikut jalan KTM, monorail, LRT, tau la.”. And we ended up looking for the exits to reach our destination, in silence (especially me, trying not to feel more guilty if I were to give another wrong direction). I am not good with directions. He loves me nonetheless. Of course, he expects me to improve, he said.

Until I write all these, I didn’t realise that I miss him so much that I tend to talk about him…

Information to Share

For my friends who are planning and have the guts to become a teacher, this might help you guys in directing your path. I've been messaging with Uncle MMM via Facebook about posting and whatnot. He is a Ketua Jabatan Bahasa at IPPM Melaka, a former TESL student with a MA. in Curriculum and Instructions. I hope I can share this with you guys. He suggested that I should apply for KPLI course at IPG (Inst. Pendidikan Guru) if I want to get posted. And I have always misunderstood the reasons why people apply for KPLI. Here's his answer:

KPLI is a kursus diploma Pendidikan for graduates.Many r graduates from local Us IPTAs n IPTS who just couldnt get work anywhere else (desperados - like u said) - and there r also genuine ones, who has always wanted to b teachers but couldnt do so.

Many of these are

1. Malay women who just couldnt get work anywhere bec they arent markettable - no proficiency in Eng, bertudung (i was told ptve owned Chinese based companies do not want these kinds - they want attractive ones in skirts wo tudungs) even tho they are qualified! Not plump graduates who hv no comm ability, not 'attractive', no social skills, etc.

2. and married graduates too - bec their husbs r not willing to hv wives who work long hours with private companies, and they want their degree holder wives to b at home, take care of kids, or and

3. those who just confused when they were younger - they just want to go to the universities bec their classmates/friends after SPM had been accepted to the universities - so they took/accepted ridiculous courses (4th or 5th choices) like B Sc (major in Maths or Major in Physics or Kimia) or B A (Revealed Knowledge, n Usuluddin n Bahasa Arab) or BA (Literature) n (English) and they found out that no companies or establishments out there want them!!! except Schools. and ptve schools want only with experience - not fresh graduates wo training!

Most are Malay women - they hv engineering degrees - but just could not cope with engineering job specs n responsibilities - masuk lubang 'tak nak!' kerja in the sun at work sites 'tak nak', or 'tak tahan'! Panjat tangga tak boleh!

So bec of their attitudes and bec of private companies only cared for profits, and bec universities hv not changed their courses to suit the needs of the present world, what is the govt to do?

Cant leave them to b unemployed? They might make bombs n join Al Qaeda? these r highly educated graduates kan? so, send them to Teacher Training Institutes - give them allowance of RM1500 pm n in a year they go to schools all over the country. Hopefully, many will be grateful and teach n become good teachers!See?

...So far, what say you?...

But not many non malays in teaching bec ptve owned chinese based n multinational companies take them - bec they wear skirts n mostly can speak english n mandarin....bec they do not want to apply to b teachers - promotion slow n mostly unattainable! 75-85% will stay as teachers sampai pencen - only a few get promotions to be GB or Pengetuas or Pen Kanans etc

Non Malays are more mobile, can marry late, can accept singledom more than Malay women, more adaptable, etc.

so, Malays arent mostly marketable in the real world kan?

U study hard and decide what u want to b Melly. U can choose the DPLI (offered by IPTAs) or KPLI (IPGs) or somethg else.Govt sch teachers are paid very well -most better than Ptve colleges... yearly increment in salary, long hols, by 3pm u r home, 5 day week, but working condition is not up to std, but they r improving.

Many prefer KPLI in IPGs bec of the allowance n the course content n the lecturers. IPTAs do not do this area very well.

Uncle MMM.

But don't worry. TESL graduates are not restricted to Education field only. PR sectors also demand for this course, as what have been said in the seminar la kan.

(^.^)

Back to Basic

Naaaah~ we didn't go for the movie. *so sad*. Let alone the useless process of reservation, one of us suddenly came up with something more important. her AE. Okay, acceptable. Plus, it was raining cats and dogs just now that drove me to a goodnight sleep while listening to my MP3. I had problem getting myself asleep lat night, and this is the outcome.

There is something going on outside the library. It is a costume parade by the AUSMAT students, I think. They are having their somehing like a whatever week I don;t know - this is according to this guy who was so curious and ended up asking the group himself. And he told me as I always give him a smile whenever we bump into each other. That was the first information I got as soon as I reached the library. Hehs. I think they are having so much fun down there with the costumes of Popeye, ghosts, princesses and princes, memphis, witches, the corpse brides, mummies, jack skellington, the spongebob's gang and whatnot. We thought they are having a Halloween festival. But Halloween? In march? So not.

They are fun. They are having so much fun.

I always admire the spirits of these foundation students whose going abroad later on. They have a very high teamwork spirit that I think it is because they are aware that the are representing the country once they step their feet on the strangers' land. Plus, they will have nobody there but their friends. That's what my sister said to me when she was pursuing her degree in Fresno years ago.

today I am random

“…men go for the obvious, Betty.”

Daniel Meade to Betty.

Me: But why the obvious, men? It's not fair. What about the inside?

Holly : It’s like I’m trying on a pair of new shoes that I really wanna buy it but it just don’t fit.

William: How about go in bare foot for a while?

P.S: I Love You, 2007.

Me: Yes, I have to agree. New pair of shoes gives us blisters and muscle pain sometimes. But we love it! This is not about shoes, young lads!

“My business is to create. It doesn’t matter what you do with it.”

Me: Yes. Ko pikirlah sendiri.

'wilayah mana ku tuju, tak kutemui secantikmu..."

Cup Coffee Sugar - Meet Uncle Hussein.

Me: Oh, Indahnya...lagu pun simple, tapi best!

***jump***

Hari ni hari yang tak berapa best. Tadi pergi sekolah, sebab dia panggil buat AE. Ingatkan dapat distribute questionnaires. Rupanya dia suruh tinggalkan questionnaires dan dia akan suruh salah seorang cikgu uruskan. Buang masa, tenaga dan duit aku je pergi sana. Esok pulak kena pergi ambik pulak.

Tadi, masa jalan dalam vincci yang 2 1/2 inci ni, aku nak terjatuh dek kerana lantai licin kat kaki lima kedai tu. nasib baik tak sempat jatuh sebab slipped je. Tapi agak terhayun 360-lah jugak beg Crocs yang aku pegang kat tangan ni. Pulak tu, depan lelaki-lelaki yang melepak dan "wit wit" perempuan tu. Nasib baik tak terjatuh. Dalam baju kurung? Oh, jangan bayangkan.

Tapi petang ni kami serumah nak pergi tengok the Confessions of a Shopaholic!! Yabeda beduuu!!! Ok la. Baik aku try reserve tickets dulu kan? Karang tak pasal-pasal je hampagas lagi (aku la).

System Overload!

We are two weeks away to study leave. That means 3 weeks to final exams. The good news is we can finish our papers earlier as we got papers on the first and second day of final exams period. *yeay!*

On the 20th April, we have two papers – morning and noon. Both papers are the counseling papers – Family Counseling and Ethics and Current Issues in Counseling. Waaaah! So not a *yeay!*. Upon hearing this oh so good news, I become so petrified. Yes, we still have time if we start from now. The pressure on that day will be nonetheless an abysmal day of the year we’re gonna have (esp. me). Am I being negative here? Now I’m not sure. Both papers cover theories in counseling, man. Like one of my classmates said, “ dia nak suruh ape, budak counseling ni meniggal lepas paper?”. It may sound exaggerating, but squeezing your brain to the fullest in a very short gap is not a very pleasant experience, I suppose.And to make it more a sweetest memory, this counseling papers expect you to get it there and then. 3 hour paper – short answers and essay form. Please God, please make us make it.
The next paper in which is on the following day is Computer in Assisted Language Learning (CALL). For this one, urmm..maybe okay la. Tapi Counseling papers memang tak bley blah! T_T

Before reaching there, we still have:
1. A courseware to be submitted for CALL
2. A presentation for ethics in counseling
3. Journals for each seminar for professional Development and an essay,

and yes, never to be forgotten,

4. Mr. AE that dues on 24th April. I hope I can make it at this almost 75% done of it.

*System overloaded*

Apart from the academic issues, I still have this girlish desire to look good for our PD barbeque which is on this Friday and MPG dinner on the 1st April. Still looking for an outfit. I am thinking of a maxi dress for MPG. The theme is purple, black, white/silver. Still looking! And don’t want to think about my face! *sigh*

*System overloaded*


karaoke lah, JOM!! belagu sampe palau*

*YAAAAAAAY*