I'm a Cry Baby, Affirmative!

Ahhh. I'm hungry!!

Just done with the test paper for my students. I need to come to the office since I didn't come yesterday. My father and little brother and his friend were here!! Oh, I miss my family so much! They went back to the hometown this morning after having breakfast together. I took my brother and his friend around Manjung and Lumut (ehemm!! I know this place quite well, now). I took them to the best places to eat and tell them stories about this province. How's that? And oh, I made my brother's and his friend's dream to ride the banana boat!! Not once, but twice! And I'm happy that they really had fun yesterday!! =D

I am trully blessed and I'm sure that my father is happy and maybe so grateful seeing me happy here with the good people whom he can count on to to look after me (even though I'm big enough and deserve to get married), as a father or parents, that's just them - to think that their daughter is still young and need to be taken care of like they did when we're small. Moreover, for someone who is as clumsy as I am that is sometimes careless, an accident-prone; he needs to be extra- worry about this one daughter out of all the other four he has.

Well, yes. I am truly blessed and I can't stop thanking Him for the life that he's given me here. (OMG..I'm about to shed a tears! such a sentimental mood I have here)!. Sometimes, when I am alone and got the time to reflect everything back, I myself can't believe that I am here now, in a totally new place, where I don't know anybody else but my brother who is not always here for sailing, new responsibilities that I think is quite big for me ( to teach Degree level is quite challenging to me for I've been dealing with younger groups back in my teaching history) and I'm doing great. Anyway, I said teaching them is quite challenging as the approach that should be implemented is rather different when dealing with the younger ones. But again, Alhamdulillah, so far, the feedbacks that I got from my dear students tell me that I'm doing the right things up to this point even though sometimes I feel like I'm doing crap.

Here, I would like to thank Kak Zam, Kak Ana and Kak Mas and Kak Ani and family for making me feel not at all alone in this new place. I feel like I have another family here. =)

My colleagues - Kak Niza, Kak Uji, Wena and Kak Maz for keeping me young and free here =). Encik Aslan for making me feel like I have an Abah here (heheh). *dem, this is really sentimental!* I think I'm getting my period. That's why it is so fragile now, my heart.

Despite the busyness and sometimes loneliness that I'm facing here, I'm still doing great because of them. Thank you, people! I heart all of you! =)

Ma, Abah, you don't have to worry about your daughter here. Maybe I'm the youngest; but like the elder sisters, this youngest is also doing great here; on the other side of the map that is a bit astray from the rest. And by the way, why does this matter? I' ve been away from my family since I'm in secondary 1?? To be away from family is normal. But well, maybe I miss my family damn muchos. And to my defense, as I grow older, I learnt to appreciate family more than friends. When I was in the boarding school, I shared every single thing with my friend. That makes sense since I lived my daily life with them - wake up, bath, meals were all with them. There was once I didn't go back home for almost two months as we were busy preparing for the PMR and the school held extra classes. However, as I grow older, finishing my university level, I started to share everything with my blood sisters, mother and sometimes my father. It was like a big transformation of a transmission. It just happened. I have no theory to strengthen my claim there. Maybe a certified family counselor can explain this?

Okay, I should stop rambling here.


But for the record, yes, I'm such a cry baby sometimes* and this is one of those moments. ;)

Helpless means Helpless

It was helpless anyway
There's nothing much we could do or say
Darling don't you think it's a shame?
that it had to end this way

So here's to say goodbye,
our love is lost,
and we cant figure why
maybe it really is about time
that we finally made up our minds

So Darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you
Soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
then i would slowly be a distant memory

*Soon I'll just be that someone you used to know
But darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
i hope you'll find your intended
But I'm sorry that your intended
isn't me

it's not an easy thing
to shake off our history
i know that's what you want from me
but they will always stay with me
i admit i made mistakes
but darling with you it's just the same
if we stay there will be more to make
i don't know how much more we can take

Darling, it would be unfair to stay
with something no longer there
its not that i no longer care
I'd feel like a burden you cannot bear

Zee Avi

Transference

I notice that...after one month...

• I have started nagging in class.
• I have started showing my anger to my students (I dabbed the duster onto one of my students' face as he was talking when I was busy explaining).
• I even started to feel like throwing away the textbook that I am holding when the students are talking in my class when they are not asked to.
  
• I have started feeling tired like my whole body is aching; during weekend.
• I have started to appreciate weekends more than I thought I would.

I felt guilty for dabbing the duster part but to my defense, he deserved that, didn't he?

Those changes connote that I am serious about my job, am I not?. If only those students are serious with their studies.

Btw, we still haven't gotten our first pay. How am I going to survive? I'm still alive and having enough of everything that is necessary, kudos to me. Even though I still feel that I need more than that.

Oh, I love my life. I'm serious. Alhamdulillah.
I love living in Ipoh and Seri Is. Alhamdulillah. Eventhough sometimes I am immuned already with things that are offered in Seri Is.

But thanks to Adeb and Moon who are always making me happy.

And get to spend weekends in Ipoh is more than enough to me when there is nothing to do in Seri Is without the transportation and maybe, entertainment. Thanks to Moon and Kakteng for having me in.

P.S: Most probably we're going to the UTP Convo Fair tonight. New thing that Seri Iskandar has to offer. My mentor, whose husband is the staff there said there are many fun things that I might like there. Lets see how fun it is tonight.

Hallo. I'm Still Alive.

Hallo again...

It's been a while since my last post. I have nothing much to say here, I suppose; as I usually share everything with my lovely friends whom I get to laugh and be crazy together. Well, maybe I blog when I have nobody to tell my story to. For example right now, I am alone in my room, my roomate (mentor) has a morning class this morning; so do Adib and Moon whose classes are also at 8 a.m. And I, I have nothing today! My 9 a.m class is canceled for my students are scheduled to go for their site visit. Meanwhile, the meeting that was supposed to be in the afternoon was also canceled. Thus, here I am, alone, got nothing to do or maybe refuse to mark the essays as I am so damn sleepy and can't even think straight! And oh, I am hungry too!

But finally it is Friday. Fridays are always the most dearly day for those who are working. Well, sedar tak sedar dah sebulan kerja ni. Through out this one month, I am positive to say that I have changed a lot, in so many ways. I don't know where to start but the most obvious change is that I have started to send my clothes to the laundry for wash and yes, for ironing. Yes, all my baju kurungs for next week are at the laundry. Pemalas ke? No lah. I am too tired to stand there ironing my 5-7 outfits to work. I chose to do a marathon ironing as I realized that to iron every night is quite tedious and I might possibly change the plan to iron my clothes the next morning in which I am afraid I would wake up late. To play safe it is, I choose one night to stand there, ironing everything.

Food. During my first few weeks here, I was so amazed with the food here. I was thrilled to try different eating place and food as I am sure that they would taste good. Don't get me wrong. The food here is still good, delicious and nyummy. Maybe it is me who's getting bored of eating outside. I want to eat at home. Something that we cook ourselves. Okay, waiting for the first pay to get the stove and other home appliances. Cepatla gaji!

Adeh~ Laparnye! Oh, this weekend I'm going to Moon's nenek's house in Kuala Kangsar. She's taking me there to try the famous Laksa. I don't know how famous it is but the Perakians said it is nyummy. So, I am on again for food hunting! She's also taking me to see the beautiful Msjid Tunku Ubudiah. Just so you know, I am actually a big fan of art. I don't speak art, but I do appreciate it. I love monuments, buildings - modern and old. Sounds like I should have changed my major earlier. So I am looking forward to be there. I even heard in Tronoh itself there is one place where all the old buildings are located. That area is very old even a filming production chose that place for the setting. I shall try that place too.

Okay, it is almost 10 now. I am going for breakfirst with Moon after she finished her class. Today, I promise myself to plan my lessons for next week. (*puke!puke!*) I mean the whole week for next week. I am packed with replacement classes!! Adoyaiii!!

P.S: I love my job. I really do. I love my students. They are fun. eventhough ada yang perangai macam ta*i

Post Graduate. Again

I am not so happy to justify that I have a big bunch of time in my hands that I even have the time to track back some of my entries as to fill my ample wasted time. And see, what I found here.

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As the continuation, or I shall say to complete that entry, here are some verdicts of them.

semester 8

• Professional Development - Dr. Norshidah Nordin. It was great. The seminar was the last teamwork we had done. And the feelings was nothing like we have ever felt before.
  
• Current Issues in Education - Puan Rohaya. the beautiful person who had moved me. And I believe evrybody in her class.
  
• Computer Assisted Language - Or CALL. Prof. Madya Izaham Shah Ismail, the coolest lecturer. I enjoyed the class as I am fond of multimedia projects. I am not really a book person. I am a project person, I shall say.


• Family Counseling - P.M. Hjh. Zaiton Ahmad. The most relaxed counselling class out of 4 years. She said, "sebab kamu dah final year students. So, saya lenient sikit la." yet I failed her second test. Or maybe just atas pagar. Haha!


• Ethics and Current Issues in Counseling -Puan Syarifah Muzlia. Class paling paling paling relaxed! The only class where we wen ectra hyper active. It was a night class. She was fun and still a fun cute lecturer.

Extra subject - Academic Research: Our mini thesis. Until today, I am still doing it. I mean just a final touch and will submit my harbound copy. Verdict? Stressful.

And now, some of us, or maybe all of us are still adapting to the reality of post graduates life. And I, I don't really enjoy it. Or maybe I am not ready to leave my five years. Am I? Or maybe I want to take a break for a while? Do I? I am not sure.

All I know is, I have packed my five years, gave away my old clothes and shoes and bags and books. I only take 9 pairs of shoes with me. And added one new pair. I watch DVD everyday with Ili, go out for meal, get home, watch TV, sleep, go out and eat until I don't know when. And I am sick of it.

All in all, it is a new phase of life. And we shall all embrace it.

Moments of Memories

My sister and I went to Temerloh today for her friend's wedding. Dah alang-alang sampai sana, kami singgah Mentakab, our old hometown. We moved to Kota Bharu in 1997. I once visited the place when I was 13, and now, after 10 years, I come to visit again.

And everything is different. Every single thing.

Blok A, tempat kami tinggal dulu telah dikosongkan untuk dijadikan pejabat. So, Blok B saja yang dibuat penempatan. Actually, tangga nak naik tu bergril and tertutup. Tapi kami cuba nasib, tengok-tengok gril tak kunci. Kami naik jugak, buat donno je. Heh.

Kami tinggal kat sini ada la dalam 25 tahun. My brother was born at this house in 1984. We had our wonderful sweet childhood here.

970-E, Tingkat 1,Blok A,
Berek Polis Mentakab,
28400 Mentakab, Pahang.

See, I still can remember the address!

Jamban tempat kena kurung kalau buat perangai. Aku selalu jadi mangsa sebab suka menangis, melalak macam Ella.

My parents' room. Same o same o. Exactly!

My first graffiti on the cupboard. "don't tach!" instead of "touch!". It is still there after like 18 years!

Padang tempat aku main rounders pun dah dikecilkan. Kalau diikutkan, tempat kami park kereta ni still padang lagi. Longkang keliling padang pun dah takda. Flat yang nampak tu Blok B.

My earliest education. Tabika Kemas bawah rumah.

my favourite view straight from my house, especially di pagi raya. Btw, rumah depan ni lah yang aku selalu mintak buah mempelam epal.

Balai polis tempat bermain. Itu Cik Siti. Our jiran dulu.

This small town has changed a lot!


sekolah rendah yang dah banyak sangat berubah. Warna dah lain. Ambiance ape tah lagi. Tapi tak dapat nak masuk dalam tengok kantin dan padang kat bawah bukit, tepi sungai semantan. Cuba jugak, tapi gate kunci. Sekolah ni pun boleh dikira berbukit-bukit.

Bangunan yang ada nama sekolah ni ialah bangunan baru. Dulu, bekas bangunan kat tapak ni ialah bangunan kayu yang digunakan sejak zaman Jepun dulu. Dulu sekolah ni sebenarnya ialah bekas Markas Kampetai, kalau kamu semua ingat lagi kita balajar Sejarah. Mengikut cerita, padang sekolah kami tu dulu tempat Jepun pancung orang Melayu kita dulu. Kira bawah tanah padang tu tempat mayat-mayat ditanam. Scary~

stesen keretapi belakang rumah (bawah bukit). Tempat berjogging. And malam-malam or subuh, selalu je dengar bunyi hon keretapi yang sampai either from Thailand or Singapore. Stesen ini juga merupakan tempat perselisihan keretapi. So rail dia akan bertukar and menyebabkan one of the trains need to wait for quite a while.

tangga yang digunakan ketika berjogging untuk turun dari berek.

Pejabat Pos. Vintage tak? Ingat lagi dulu time darjah dua ke empat tah, cikgu suruh dapatkan borang 'money postal order' untuk digunakan dalam kelas kemahiran hidup. Authentic sungguh.

'Da Ren'. Tempat nak beli pensel kaler kalau time terdesak.

siling masjin pun dah ditukar. Ingat lagi dulu, arwah Cik Minah, cikgu mengaji selalau bawak pergi masjid setiap malam Jumaat untuk sembahyang jemaah dan baca Yasin. Yang paling bestnyer, tiap-tipa malam Jumaat, ada makan-makan. Itulah yang aku paling suka sekali. Sedap! Kat sini la aku makan gulai nangka buat pertama kalinya dan terus suka sampai sekarang. Waktu tu, aku baru darjah 3.


Lepas tu kami bertolak balik.
had a pit stop at R&R Genting sempah. Beli buah berangan dan kuaci labu yang aku kupil start dari sini sampai la rumah. And, i wonder, why do people call buah berangan, buah berangan. tak sempat nak berangan pun time makan dia. Memang la sedap. Tapi nak bukak sikit punya susah. Gigit pun belum tentu sekali gus boleh bukak. Kuaci lagi berangan!
and not to forget, my favourite McD lego. :)

Its good to track down the memory lane. We'll see how much world has changed. How big we have grown (kaki lima kat berek tu yang dulunya rasa macam luas. Sekarang sedepa je).

*actually banyak lagi gambar. Tapi melampau lah nak upload semua. Ini pun dah macam terlampau je. ;p

God, I miss and love this place! ;)

What now?

Good life is turning its back on me.

Not so good life is serving me right now.

SO not good life, indeed.

Currently, my life is like the dellicous U8Buttons butter cupcakes. It's nyummy, soft, and sweet. And oh, beautiful.

But at the end of the day, you'd get diarrhea out of it.

No, that cupcakes doen't give me that. It gives me the sweetness I'd never forget. Other things got me to 'diarrhea'. Ahamdulillah~

nak cupcake ini! *mengidam*